Figuring Life Out

What Am I Doing With My Life?😂

I got a job during my NYSC and let’s just say I was right when I said a 9-5 may not be my thing back in uni. Stayed for a good amount of time, then I left towards the end of 2023. I was actually talking to God, more like crying sha🤣, begging Him to show me my life after school, what I would do with it. Where I’ll go, the career path to choose. 

He said to leave. Not very logical right? Especially by worldly standards and common sense, and everyone did try to convince me to do otherwise. It was a battle in my heart between trusting God’s word to me and that He will never abandon me no matter what I decided to do, and going the conventional way, going down the path everyone saw as the best but wasn’t what I genuinely wanted.

I remember making the decision based on, if I don’t start backing myself and what God tells me now, it will only get harder and harder and I may just end up settling in life. I did not want that. So I left, knowing that even if I was wrong, God will never abandon me.

Now, after leaving, God said don’t search for jobs. At the time I didn’t fully understand why but I listened and halted on my job searches. It was the end of the year anyway so I was more focused on my family and the major miracle we needed at the time, my sister visiting, and Reboot Camp. The year ended beautifully 🥹.

2024 comes around, and I’m like what’s the plan for this year Lord? And He says I gave you instructions last year during Reboot Camp, that’s what we’re starting with. I said okay! Was super excited at the beginning of the year actually and pumped. I channelled my energy into trying to get used to recording videos, figuring that out. I gave up fast though 🌚. It’s not something I’m used to so that’s not really a surprise. It will take a bit of time to get used to, but don’t worry I’m not completely done with it. We’ll get back to it in the right time.

Then I also focused on taking my walk with Him even more seriously, so I started working on building systems to help me be consistent with prayer and Bible study, listening to sermons, reading books, etc. That has actually been going really really well. Progress is being made 🤗. But then it began to look to me like I needed to earn money for myself. Mind you, I am being provided for. God is literally still taking care of me all round. But I just felt like everyone is working and I need to work too, I need to be independent. 

Who sent me? 

But that’s life really. That’s the subtle pressure life brings. Especially when the direction you’re taking isn’t a path frequently taken. When what you know to do with your life doesn’t have a clear, direct line. When it requires quite a number of things to fall into place, and for you to rely on God wholly. His favour, His connection, His placement. This isn’t a part given to the swift or skilled, even if that’s also still important. This is a path that you need what the world calls luck, and we heavenly beings call favour. 

Anyway, what did I do?

Started job hunting. I took my focus off what God told me, the instructions He gave me, the literal plan He laid out for me and started focusing on my situation, my circumstance.

I took my eyes off Jesus.

That’s what we usually do. We tell God to take control. We tell Him we trust Him, and we actually do, but then we take our eyes off Him briefly and we look at the world and how things are moving, how the world is in the words of Katy Perry “chained to the rhythm”. And we begin to doubt our path, our own unique path.

We begin to reason our life. We begin to compare our lives with others. We throw trust unconsciously out of the room and we open the door for anxiety and worry unknowingly. And before you know it, we desire to rejoin the rat race because suddenly it looks enticing. And we actually do.

That’s what I did. I got a job. The beautiful thing is I even prayed for it. And God will always listen to you and give you what you think you want especially when He knows it’s not necessarily bad for you, but just because it’s good doesn’t mean it’s right for you. 

The funny thing is, the job is not me in anyway🤣. This one is really who sent me because what is my business with this job? No, what can I point to in my life that shows that this is for me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing! 😂.

Then I began to struggle with the job. It is a very convenient job. One that actually has a kind of prestige to it. I mean, I tell everyone what I do and they are like ‘wow’, meanwhile I always cringe inside myself. Meanwhile, I’m struggling on the inside😭. Then I began to pray about the job to God. And I even asked for tips. I felt like maybe I just needed to put in work, I thought I just needed to figure it out.

I promise you, that did not work out! I was progressing in other areas in my life but this one just stayed unmoving. I can’t explain it, but I just was not making any breakthrough with it. And then it became clear to me what was possibly happening.

So what did I do? I turned back to Jesus. Abi na, who else? After trying to get human perspectives and trying to encourage myself and still feeling like things are foggy. I turned to Him and began to ask questions and pray. Of course I first asked the wrong questions, then with the help of the Holy Spirit, I began to ask the right questions…..

To be continued…