FRIENDSHIPS

Not The Easiest Thing To Navigate I Tell You!

I’ve always wanted to write something around friendships. This is definitely the first of many, I know.

This piece though focuses on the work that goes into managing the relationships in one’s life. And how that’s also a journey of its own. How just as we are constantly developing ourselves and learning about ourselves, it trickles into the people in our lives and how we keep showing up.

People change. That’s a constant.

How prepared are we for the different stages and dimensions of the people in our lives?

How prepared are we for the growth, maturity, development, and more than anything the different dimensions of change in the lives of those around us?

I’m learning contentment in those God has sent my way.

I’m learning to steward my relationships properly, to honor them, and to do my part in showing up in my selfless role as a friend, a sister, a daughter, whoever I am in the lives of those I am responsible to.

I’m beginning to see the reality of that statement “20 Friends Don’t Play For 20 Years.” But in different lights. One being that, friendship dynamics evolve. And ensuring that I am constantly giving people enough grace to become who they need to be either within the boundaries of certain relationships, or possibly, outside of it.

Personally, I’ve learnt that in my bid to understand people, and understanding them in a way that allows me predict, know how best to always respond, and also unknowingly aligning my behaviors to ones that benefit them and them alone, because that’s what happens, I still end up making wrong predictions and having the wrong conclusions about situations. That is, even that cannot be perfected.

You think you are doing the right thing. You assume you know what’s best for a person, but then you find out that you really don’t, and you are still wrong in your judgment.

I’m learning to trust God with people also, and my roles in their lives. Who Am I? And Who I’m Meant To Be In The Lives Of People.

Because it’s a privilege to be someone’s friend. It’s a privilege to be trusted with vulnerable parts of people, and we do not want to take that for granted, or step wrong. And to not step wrong, we need to trust that God knows how best we fit and what we need to do, the part we need to play, whether we agree or not.

Because even in friendships, we need to trust God with tomorrow.

I’m learning to be honest about how I feel about people. This enables me to be honest with God and then it makes it easier for Him to lead me to pray for them.

I’m learning I don’t trust so many people. I don’t like some people either. And that’s fine. But I shouldn’t not trust anyone at all, and accept that not everyone will see me for me, like me for me, and accept me. (This isn’t the best pill to swallow, especially for a people pleaser, but very necessary.)

Being content in God’s love for me alone is hard but crucial. Because then I can become who I need to be. Allow those who need to leave and don’t understand leave and not understand, and not hold it against them, and, I can completely stretch without worrying that I’ll smack someone in the face in the process.

I am Olatunji Ruth Abisolaoluwa. I am a lover of people, I will always be a lover of people, because that’s who God created me to be, but I am God’s clay, not anyone else’s, not even myself, and He is responsible for who I become, and the steps and processes to getting there, no matter what it is, not me, and not anyone else.

And this is something He is teaching me to also see in other people. Trusting God with my friendships has to be one of the not so easy areas of surrender in the journey of life. Because I am flawed, and I won’t always show up the way I’m meant to, but I know that His grace and mercy covers me, even my friendships and He will sustain what He has started, not me. All I am responsible for is focusing on Him and the assignment He has given me, He will teach me the rest!